Tuesday, December 28, 2004

It couldn't happen to a nicer couple

Having enjoyed a Christmas Eve visit to Home Depot to look at new cabinets for our bathroom Nina and I were approaching our neighborhood at about 3pm when we saw a cloud of smoke in the area of our remodeled masterpiece (or soon to be). As we made our way down the street the tension mounted and I could tell that Nina was about to cry. All I kept thinking about was how much work we had put into the house and now it was going up in flames. Nina kept saying "We didn't leave anything on, We didn't leave anything on, What could we have left on?"

I parked the car in the middle of the street and we started running to the house (or at least my form of running). Then a huge relief hit us. It was not our house it was the neighbors.

A little background. The couple we'll call them Frick (husband) and Frack (wife) and their little spoiled rotten screechy bitch daughter who has already graduated from college, is in her mid twenties, drives a luxury SUV and is still living at home are the worst people I have ever lived near. They are dirty (they used to encourage their dog to regularly poop on my lawn before he died), every other word they say is fuck, they are noisy and yell and scream at each other daily. Whenever I have confronted Frack regarding neighborly issues all she does is lie to me and make excuses as though I just moved in and don't know the truth.

Their worst attribute is that they like to have kegger parties until two in morning. I have had numerous discussions with them on how we could be better neighbors but they are just too dumb to be courteous. I told Frick that it doesn't bother me that he has parties but that at Midnight they should quiet down, his response was that the bars close at 2am.

HAVE YOUR PARTY IN A BAR THEN!

That's what I told him but he just doesn't get it. This guy is in his mid to late 50's and his idea of fun is a beer bong. Needless to say I have given up on trying to reason with Frick. I just deal with situations as they occur.

Back to Christmas Eve.

Smoke is rising from the neighbor of the year award winning house as numerous fire engines are parked in front and firemen are soaking the place with water. 10 firemen to put out a fire in the garage of a single story house? Must have been a slow day in Fullerton.

Nina and I try to comfort Frack as she is pretty shaken up. She tells the fireman and I quote (this is good)

"Frick and I were watching the fucking TV, we were watching the fucking movie Arthur, and I went to the fucking oven to heat up some fucking food and it wouldn't fucking turn on." I'm not kidding, this is the way she talks. "So I asked Frick to check out why the fucking oven wasn't working and he went to the fucking garage and when he opened the door he said 'Fuck there's a fucking fire' " She didn't add that he started running out the door waving his arms like a scared monkey but I wouldn't be surprised if he did. This guy is a puss.

She tried to dial 911 but had a brain fart due to the stress. Fortunately for them one of the neighbors saw the fire before Frick and Frack and had already called the Fire Department.

Frack is embarrassed as she stands there in her housecoat and tells us that she had just gotten out of the shower. It's amazing that even at a time of stress she is still lying. Often I have seen her all aglow in her housecoat wobble out to the street to get the mail at three in the afternoon. She lives in that housecoat.

We give her something to drink and Nina consoles her as I walk back to move the car out of the middle of the road. On the way back I stop to talk to the other neighbors, a block party of sorts. It's been years since everyone has come out of the safety of their homes to commiserate. Bill says to me "I was so glad that it wasn't your home. I don't wish anything bad on Frick and Frack but it couldn't happen to a nicer couple." Bill's wife follows that up "I wish their whole house had burned down".

The fire was caused by lint collected in the clothes dryer. Lint collects around the drum over time and if you don't have your dryer serviced periodically this kind of thing can happen. The first rule of thumb is to clean the lint trap before each load. A friend of mine suggested that you can clean around the drum yourself by disconnecting the heat vent from the dryer and using a shop vac to suck the lint out from the exhaust tube as well as from the dryer it self by sticking the hose up the back of it, this seems to work well. I suggest consulting your owners manual or contact your manufacturer for suggested service.


Saturday, December 25, 2004

It Begins Today

Welcome to my blog. I have always wanted to spew my views to the public for many years and this seems to be the best way to do it. I hope you enjoy the read because I've got lots to say.